It is a well-established fact that the name Naughton is synonymous with Excellence. Case in point: I have held two official Guinness Book World Records and may have qualified for two more had I bothered to have them certified. In the 1980s, my mother, my brother Blake, and I were a part of the world’s longest conga line at a Miami Sound Machine concert in Burlington, Iowa. In the 1990s, I participated in the world’s largest blood drive at Mizzou’s Homecoming. In the 2000s, I ate an entire box of Thin Mints in less than eight minutes (at an astonishing clip of four cookies per minute). And in the 2010s, I was the first person known to have eaten 12 Doritos Locos Tacos in one sitting. (I would advise against trying to top that mark. Eating the last three tacos felt exactly like swallowing handfuls of Dorito-flavored sand).
Actual entry from Webster’s Dictionary: “Naughton, (see also, excellence).”
I have not yet, to my knowledge, broken any world records in the current decade. Nevertheless, just last weekend another member of the Naughton household accomplished something so incredible that history may judge the feat as more significant than all of my records combined.
~ Read the rest in today’s Journal ~