Waiting

Continuing the Spiritual Journey

By: E. Jane Rutter

Lord, I have been praying wrong. Rather than asking you to take away my feelings of boredom, laziness and sloth, I ask you to use them to strengthen me in your spirit that I may fulfill your purpose in me.

This is the insight I received at Mass this week. Kneeling in front of the altar at my beloved church home, I heard God’s subtle voice stirring my heart and mind, bathing me in comfort and love. I realize that far from leaving me hanging in the desert, he is working in me in his time. Perhaps a better phrase than saying I have been praying wrong; is I have been praying impatiently.

For I consider myself a woman who performs best with goals and timelines wanting to accomplish and see results. While I search for the next challenge to tackle, God is working on my character and how I respond to the small moments of each day. Do I slumber and waken with God at my side? Where do my thoughts lead? How do I interact with and serve those I meet?

There’s selfishness to my prayers. Lacking gratitude for what God has gifted me, I am asking for more, for what’s next. It’s difficult to slow down, enjoy where I am and open my heart to let God work in me. Like my 5-year-old grandson, I have a set of I wants, my grownup version of a toy, treat or adventure. God smiles at us both, knowing what he has prepared for us, his beloved children.

I began this Lent asking God to help me make this time fruitful. His response is to be still and listen. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways” (Is 55:8) I hear. God invites us to turn to him and receive the fruits of joy and peace that he bestows.

With the assurance of God’s love infused in our hearts, we recognize his invitation to serve Him as a gift. There is no turning down a gift given in love. We are, as Henri Nouwen says, his “beloved.” We are “…the seed that fell on rich soil, they are the ones who, when they have heard the word, embrace it with a generous and good heart, and bear fruit through perseverance.” (Luke 8:15)

And so I pray: Lord, help us embrace Lent as a journey of giving all to you – our struggles, sins and selfishness waiting patiently to share in the joy of Easter.