Continuing the Spiritual Journey: Forgiveness frees us

By: E. Jane Rutter

As a kid, I remember standing in line at confession (as reconciliation was then called), trying to decide what sins I committed that needed to be forgiven. “I lied to my mother,” “fought with my brothers and sisters,” and “wasn’t nice” were typical contenders. Being raised to adopt Christian virtues, my simple examination of conscience was not yet contemplating the fullness of mortal and venial sins.

Nor am I confident I could have named the capital sins of pride, greed, envy, anger, lust, gluttony, and sloth. Much less, their ill effect on my soul. Sure, I got angry at others, especially when they hurt my feelings, left me out of fun times, or I didn’t get my way. You can already tell it was all about me!

Taking responsibility for our sins requires looking inward. Whether a child or adult, that isn’t easy. What’s harder still, is repairing the damage we cause by sinning. Phrases like holding ourselves accountable, asking for forgiveness, and changing our behavior are ones we prefer to apply to others.

Uncomfortable though it is, as Christians, we are called to the highest standards in our actions and relationships. Heck, Jesus challenges us to love our enemy.

Relationships are hard. Whether family members, friends, or acquaintances, we aren’t always going to agree with or be close to those we want in our lives. In times of conflict, it is especially important for us to stray away from a spirit of bitterness, anger and retaliation, and adopt one of forgiveness and, if possible, reconciliation.

As St. Paul reminds us, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do” (Col 3:12-13).

The more I mature (notice I didn’t qualify that with age!), the more I realize that forgiveness frees my soul from insecurity, worry, resentment, and even poor sleep. I begin to understand that loving my enemy or someone with whom my relationship is off kilter doesn’t mean he/she will love me back. Their reaction is not one I can control. Rather, choosing forgiveness gives me the peace of Christ St. Paul describes.

Not a sanctimonious ‘forgiveness’ with a pretentious tone of “I forgive you for what you are doing to me and you are a jerk for holding on to resentment.” No, true forgiveness is not easy.

Forgiveness takes examining our conscience, acknowledging our mistakes, shortcomings and sins against Christ’s commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves. It forces us to own our actions, seek forgiveness for ourselves and grant forgiveness to others. Forgiveness takes time, mercy, generosity and, above all, prayer.
St. Paul wraps a bow on his wise advice, telling us to, “And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful” (Col 3:14-15).

Love and peace are gifts of the Holy Spirit we receive through forgiveness.

And so I pray: Dear Lord, fill me with your love and peace. Let my heart shine with gratitude and the understanding that sinners and saints, we are one in You. Help me be the loving neighbor you call me to be.